What Motherhood Means to Me

At hand is another ‘Mother’s Day’ to celebrate.  My thoughts travelled fast as I thought of the past fifteen years in my daughter’s life.  Just like any other 'mudra', I love bringing back the memories of motherhood, watching my daughter progress in the different stages of her existence.

Infancy and childhood years had passed. Teenage life came in.  What could be more exciting part of motherhood than seeing your child’s transition to adolescence?

As a child, she loved kiddie books, cartoon movies and her portable music player.  She said goodbye to them when she chose to buy music magazines, watch teen films, admire the guys and music of One Direction and tune in to MYXX or download the latest music and dance craze of her generation via the internet.  She loves dancing, but explores more on her love for music through singing and playing different musical instruments.  In all these, I have to give her my support.

In her infancy, Bea used to crawl like a mermaid pulling herself by the seashore.  She later walked with assistance until she eventually learned to walk on her own. At her teens, she had to bid goodbye to learn going places confidently with friends.  I became second choice to the company of her peers.  I have to keep her protected through unceasing prayers that she will always be safe wherever she goes.

She gave away some kiddie toys, girly dresses and shoes the past years to share her stuff to younger kids.  A lot of shirts, shorts, and jeans then became her closet staples.  While her pleasure as a child was the company of her toys, she now finds delight with her own dresser filled with scents, combs, accessories and gadgets.  Her love for fabric dogs has turned to finding joy on ‘Bubbles’ and ‘Pinky’, real puppies that we both take care of.

Crushes and admirers - they are many of them already, but how can I forget her very first crush, Gerald Anderson when she was only 8 years of age?  Yes, we talk a lot about boys.  She keeps different secrets with different friends, but there are certain issues she can bravely speak about to no one but me.  We have our own girl talks as mother and daughter.  I’m just grateful that I am here to answer her teen issues using Biblical teachings and real-life situations, including questions on love, sex, courtship, dating and marriage.

More changes will come in her remaining teen years, changes that are surely no different from what other teens her age go through. I have to keep the faith that there is always a loving God who shields her as she goes out of her cocoon like a caterpillar blossoming to be a lovely butterfly.  As a mom, my love will allow her to shine and soar to reach her dreams.  Being here to guide and watch my daughter gracefully transform in life spells the real essence of motherhood.

To blog again

In the midst of waiting for my husband to be online in FB at almost midnight, I visited my blog and was greeted by this:

Then I realized, my page had been sooooo idle for two years, and what if I continue to blog again?

And why should I blog?

Writing has become an expression of one’s self.  Out of the high tech world emerged its influential counterpart which we now call BLOGGING.

To blog or not to blog – it was a question I gave to myself just before I decided to join Sox 2010.  I was trying to let out the old writer in me as I recalled how I did for “The Voice”, the official publication of NDDU.

Then came my decision to make attempts with my own blog “At my fingertips” via blogspot.com.  Though with so much hesitation and was trying to learn how life goes in the blog sphere, I scrolled through some blogs and made my BlogFest 2010 entry “The BlogFest I will Always Remember.”

My article, I realized later, was not made that well, but the Soxbloggers community acknowledged my work and Sir Avel Manansala handed to me a prize for it. I heard some encouragements on pursuing to blog and also got some criticisms.  My best friend described my write up as ‘too ordinary’ and told me I did not give it my best writing ability.

I didn’t stop there, of course.  Criticisms, positive or otherwise, are all part of everyday life.  Even in the worldwide web of blogs, critics will always be there to let us decide to either press on or retract.  All I wanted then was to try blogging and just enjoy it, taking challenges in facing something new in life at my late 30’s.

Not so long after I began blogging, I changed my blog title to cater more diverse ideas or just anything under the sun, so I thought.  I was never an active blogger.  Few months after my first blogging attempt, my fingers worked again to come up with another blog.  It was followed by few more blog entries which were saved as drafts, until I had to log off from the blog community for a very long time.

Going through a day-to-day routine as a mother and wife again, blogging and my drafts came back to my mind.  I gave my unpublished blogs another glance one peaceful midnight.  I felt like working on them again, hoping to finalize the pieces.  It was like going over several unfinished puzzles in front of the computer.

As I aim to let my expressions appear on my blog pages one by one, I allow myself to be in this setting during quiet moments:

. . . . . fingertips carefully pressing the keyboard. .  .  . . eyes keeping watch on the encoded words against the white screen . . . . . thoughts flowing in my head.  . . . . bringing back the spirit with the words “I can do it!”

To blog or not to blog is a personal decision.  The choice of doing so is to share your own self – your life, your thoughts and your learning from others.  My blog pages will tell you the more precise answer why I decided to go for the yes.

An important realization then came across my being - so many things in life happen out of the decisions we make in facing whatever has come before our eyes.