My father, Engr. Rolando F. Diendo, Sr. had been bedridden after he got a bone fracture last January. He also had pneumonia. Before that, he moved too slow and acted like a child at certain times. He had maintenance medicines for his heart problem. Becoming of old age, he became forgetful of our names, but was happy with little things we did or bring him during visits. After several strokes, he had difficulty expressing his thoughts and hardly talked the usual way.
In the month of March he went back to the hospital. His sugar level shoot up, and he had cardiovascular disease. His central nervous system was failing. Three doctors attended to him. After ten days, he was permitted to be brought home for home care subject to certain conditions and requirements. At home, he had oxygen tank for his life support, suction machine to relieve him of phlegm which he was unable to spit out, and nebulizer to ease his coughing. He had milk and medicine feeding via NGT. He stopped uttering words to express his thoughts, with only sounds to respond to us. He had thinning arms, and bloated hands and feet. Looking at his condition was heart breaking. Several people, fortunately, were gracious enough to give not only financial and emotional support, but most important of all, prayers.
On March 29, 2011, my daughter's graduation day, Papa started to feel cold that we thought we were losing him. We started crying because we noticed he breathed like he was very tired already. I told my stepmom it was difficult to let him go, but the sight of him everyday, being bedridden and truly far from the athletic and active person that he was, was more difficult. I felt like my heart was breaking into pieces. I held Papa's head, then I talked to and prayed for him close to his ears.....
"Pa, kabalo ko lisod na mawala ka, pero mas lisod na makita ka namo na naglisod ka sa condition nimo....ayaw na sigeg worry sa amoa, dagko na mi tanan....gihimo ni Tita tanan para matabangan ka.....if gikapoy na ka, pahulay na, i-prepare lang imong heart, Pa, sa pag-atubang sa Ginoo...remember, Pa, sa eternal life, wala na kay sakit, wala na kay kaguol, wala nay kakapoy..."
When I told him I had to leave to attend my daughter's graduation, he responded with a sound like giving his yes to me. At school, I tried to focus my mind to my daughter's big day. During the program, however, my mind was wandering in between, thinking if my father would still be alive when I return home. I returned home after lunch and he was still there. Late afternoon that same day, he hardly opened his yes, and looked like he was too weak to breathe. It was too difficult to hold back my tears.
Early morning of March 30, 2011, I went back to him to talk to and pray for him again. His eyes remained unopened. I felt like he would leave us any time. He breathed slower than before. But then, my brother, Robert, and my husband, Ronald, went out early to buy him another tank of oxygen. Letting go of him cannot be our decision, but God's. My stepmom did everything to sustain his life as long as God allowed. I took the chance to hold his bloated hand and pray for him. He was getting cold again. Teary eyed, I held his head and talked close to his ears....
"Papa, kabalo ko kapoy ka na...please, Pa, pahulay na...if it's God's will na ibilin na mi nimo, ayaw na pagsige isip sa amoa, i-prepare lang imong heart to meet God...if there's one thing na mahimo nimo para sa amoa, Pa, sulti sa Ginoo, i-release nimo imong blessings sa amoa na maging maayo among pamuyo ug maging ok mi pag wala ka na..."
I went back to school to work, hoping that he would still be alive when I come back. Mid afternoon, my sister, Jenith told me, our sister texted "wala na si Papa". After weeks of suffering, Papa finally closed his eyes forever at age 73. I cried and cried at the office, trying to convince myself it was right time to really let go of him. We spent days at Taycham Memorial Chapel for his wake until his remain was buried at Forest Lake. Our whole family was reunited at his death.
In times of trials, our sole hope when everything else falls apart is God and God alone. We continue to hold on to that faith that God will continue to be gracious to us when we said farewell to and let go of Papa. It is very sad though we were prepared he would leave us any time because of his health condition. But then, we should feel the joy that he finally rested in peace, in eternal life with God, with no more illness, suffering and pain. As I told Papa before he died, there is eternal life with happiness that will last forever with God - reason that's more than enough to endure the pain of letting him go. It is our way of letting God, trusting His heart because He knows best for allowing things to happen in our lives. We said farewell, Papang, God will take good care of you...
In times of trials, our sole hope when everything else falls apart is God and God alone. We continue to hold on to that faith that God will continue to be gracious to us when we said farewell to and let go of Papa. It is very sad though we were prepared he would leave us any time because of his health condition. But then, we should feel the joy that he finally rested in peace, in eternal life with God, with no more illness, suffering and pain. As I told Papa before he died, there is eternal life with happiness that will last forever with God - reason that's more than enough to endure the pain of letting him go. It is our way of letting God, trusting His heart because He knows best for allowing things to happen in our lives. We said farewell, Papang, God will take good care of you...
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